New Year's Resolutions

OK...let me start with the fact that I HATE New Year's Resolutions...what a stupid way to make myself feel like crap next year when I couldn't live up to the lofty goal of losing 40 lbs and becoming a star on Dancing with the Stars (or Project Runway or whatever other crap-tastic reality show I decide I can't stop drooling over this year.) Yes I am the ultimate crappy reality TV junkie...I'm at the point where if someone spent time actually writing a really good story with plot twists and character development...I just can't be bothered... What the heck happened to me? Personally, I blame Maia...after all that's why I had her...so I'd have someone to blame. Just ask her, she'll tell you!

So with that caveat, I'd like to give you a nice list of all the things I'm going to fail at this year!
1) No matter how hard I try, I won't be fitting into my skinny pants...in fact I might be upgrading to a fatter pair of fat pants...I'll let you know!

2) I am not going to beat my addiction to sugar...no matter how many AA meetings I attend...for F---s sake, they serve coffee with sugar and donuts at AA meetings...so how the hell is that supposed to help me with my addiction?

3) I am not going to stop watching crappy reality TV...no matter how crappy it is it's better than sitting here listening to the voices in my head argue about absolutely nothing.

4) I am not going to run a marathon...or a half marathon...or even a 10 K...I hate running...I only do it because it's an excuse to turn the music up really loud...which occasionally drowns out the voices in my head making fun of my musical taste (you would also make fun of my musical taste if you knew what was on my iPod -- everyone always does! Which is why I only listen to it when I am running...because then at least I have a good excuse to run away from all those people making fun of my music.)

5) I am not going to save the world, the whales, the pandas or that little blue butterfly that lives on the hill above South San Francisco and prevents the developers from getting their grubby paws on the land up there and developing it. If all goes well though, I might rescue a few worms from the gutter the next time it rains.

6) I am not going to win volunteer of the year or any other award for changing the lives of at-risk youth! I might manage to volunteer to go surfing with Maia's class in the Spring...but even that seems a bit lofty.

7) I'm not going to represent my Council at the International Girl Scouts anything... because pretty much I doubt my council even knows I exist...and if they do it's only because I annoy them with so much high-risk paperwork. (Is it me or does anyone else find it rather difficult to imagine how paperwork can be high-risk...unless your pen leaks on your shirt...or maybe you get a bad paper cut...)

8) I am not going to be a better person, rise above, or turn the other cheek. I am planning to be petty and small and hold grudges even if the only person who knows about them is me...and especially if the only damage they do is to make me feel lousy :)

9) I am not going to be a better parent, friend, sister, daughter, Girl Scout leader, Aunt, cousin, stepsister or acquaintance. I pretty much gave all I had to give this year...so if that wasn't enough...I guess I'll never live up to your high standards...which makes me feel sad...look, now I am already feeling lousy because of my New Year's resolutions...didn't I tell you that the only point of them was to make me feel bad!

10) I am not going to become a rock star, supermodel, famous actress, Broadway headliner, opera singer, musician of any kind, singer, songwriter, famous author...or any other sort of celebrity...minor or major...if you all are lucky, I might comb my hair occasionally before I go out of the house just in case I'm recognized by the checkout guy at the supermarket that I go to every day to feed my sugar addiction (see resolution #2).

And I think that's about it...hope you all have a happy healthy 2013 and please God let it be better than 2012...for everyone, everywhere!

About My Big Girl Panties

So my client asks me to fly to LA and meet with them on Thursday this week...

"Oh (nasty word) what the (nasty word) am I going to wear."

Now I know, all you ladies are with me here. You all feel the same way...but here's the thing. I sweat...a lot...which causes everyone else to say "Oh I know what you mean, I sweat a lot too." But let me just say this once "NO YOU DON'T!!! Unless you have a medical diagnosis you don't know what that means...seriously, Men Glow, Horses Perspire, I SWEAT!!!!" Grown men have walked up to me in clubs and said "Wow, you sweat a lot." People regularly ask me if I just got out of the shower...REGULARLY...not occasionally, not once in a while...all the time!

So when you tell me I'm going to have to get up at 4 am (that makes me sweaty), leave the house in the dark (it's cold and I am wet so now I'm freezing), get on an airplane (it's hot, it's cold, now I'm all clammy), get off the plane (it's cold in the airport, I'm worried it looks like I wet my pants), go to meeting after meeting in hot humid conference rooms (Can they tell I'm nervous? I think so since I just sweat my way through a blouse, a sweater, and a suit jacket in about 10 minutes. On the other hand, I'm not actually nervous...but it sure looks like I am!), leave the rooms go outside where it's freezing cold ("It's nice to meet you Mr. CEO...uh no you don't want to shake my hand, it's icy cold and soaking wet"), only to go back into a different hot steamy conference room...I think you are getting the picture. Basically if I could do that in some sort of high-tech athletic gear that wicks the sweat away I might be OK...but I can't. I have to put on my big girl panties and try to find something that will absorb the "perspiration" without it showing.

Add to this the fact that they don't make pants for girls with no butt. They just don't...and all you ladies with nice juicy round derrierres who whine because you always have to take in the waistband of your pants...(angry nasty word) you...at least it is possible to tailor pants so they fit you...YOU CAN'T take in the butt of your pants and you can't let out the waist!!!! The only place you can buy pants for someone who is square through the middle is the Junior's section...just try to find a pair of slacks for work in the Junior's section...not to mention I am too big to fit in most Junior clothing. I've only ever found 2 pairs of pants that actually look like work pants and also fit me...and when I get too fat for them or they wear out I'm going to have to retire!

So the idea of putting on my big girl panties and spending the day at a client's office in LA is just about as close to my idea of hell as I can get...

But I did it. I pulled myself together, dealt with the insomnia the night before and the meeting new people and the pants that don't fit and the sweating in the conference rooms and the splitting headache from not enough sleep...I wore my big girl panties all day and pretended the 2 hour car ride between their facilities didn't make me car sick and acted like I wasn't desperate to get back in my jammies and take a nap all day long...

And I guess it went OK because at the end of the day they said "Wow this was a great meeting, when can you come back?"

Field trips - should we or shouldn't we?

Warning: If you are waiting for me to have a good old rant about something funny...this isn't it. This is just a dump of all the angst spinning around in my head. I figured I'd put it out in the universe and then it might become homeless and forget where it used to live...and move into a shelter where some nice pastor will make sure it is clothed and fed and not a danger to itself or anyone else! (You know I don't want it sleeping in a cardboard box or anything...I just want it to move out and stop making me feel nuts!)

If you are still with me, put on your galoshes and get ready for me to take myself WAY too seriously for a couple of paragraphs...

At the beginning of the year I always have 500 ideas for field trips we should go on...but by this time in the year I am starting to feel bad about the whole schedule. It seems like for many folks the field trips are an inconvenience because they interfere with soccer or church or other family activities. The cost of some of them can be on the high side which makes some people unhappy even though there is financial aid available (that no one ever uses) and I always end up having to send a lot of email which I am pretty sure drives everyone nuts (including me by the way).

But the girls seem to love the field trips. I have a feeling the field trips are a big part of why our troop is so strong and so bonded and why everyone in the troop feels like we have something special. Plus the real reason I am a Girl Scout leader is for those moments when I get to be with a girl and watch her challenge herself and try something new. The moment I see that "Wow, I was scared and I didn't realize I could do that...but I did it anyway" look come across her face it makes my heart sing like nothing else on earth. And that usually only happens on the Field Trips. So I take them outside and I look for new opportunities for them to challenge themselves. But maybe that's just selfish because that is what I love...I just don't know... 

So let me ask you this. What would you do? Continue to plan the trips and the torpedoes be dammed? Try to take everyone's personal situation into account for every field trip (and end up in the looney bin)? Stop planning so many field trips? Only do inexpensive trips we can do during meeting times? Seriously...what would you do?

Personally I just don't know what the right answer is. 

With any luck though, I'll be struggling with this dilemma for quite some time to come...because if I am it means my troop is together and strong and we are all doing new things together (and the parents haven't tossed me out on my ear for causing too much trouble) :)

Gratitude

I am grateful for:
All the girls in my troop!
The parents who let me take their girls into the woods and into the water and into the wilderness.
The pure Power to Weight ratio that means I will never keep up with my Scouts but I will always enjoy the attempt!
The girls who encourage me.
The girls I encourage.
The times I didn't want to go on a trip (that I organized) and the fact that I went anyway!
The girls putting up with me even when I am barking.
The tween years when our kids walk so easily between serious adult conversation and playing with their Calico Critters. May they get to keep that ability for as long as possible.
The friends I've made through Scouting.
The days I've spent in the woods, trees, ocean, mountains... with my scouts.
My sweetheart who hates anything resembling organized groups and couldn't be more proud of me or more supportive of my crazy scouting schedule.
My daughter who forced me into Scouting kicking and screaming! (thanks Maia...that was the best present you ever gave me!)

I'm not sure if gratitude is a Scouting Value...but I am sure they wouldn't disapprove!
'

Project Runway

Dear Project Runway,

Please, please, please, I beg you have a Girl Scout Leader Uniform Design Challenge! We leaders work really, really hard to make the world a better place one girl at a time. We give our time, our hearts and often our money to make our troops amazing for our girls. Don't we deserve to put on our uniforms and feel fun and tough and vibrant and maybe even a little sassy? Are we not trying to teach our girls that they can indeed be strong and resilient and pretty and fun and joyful and courageous all at once?

Please tell me how I am supposed to do that when my choices of a uniform are:
1) The "I am 102 and I fade into the background" navy blue button up cardigan:

 2) The "I gave up on myself and am now just trying to hide everything" ubiquitous hoodie (XXL of course):

3) The "I am actually your Grandfather" cardigan:

4) The "I wish I was sporty but I actually have no shape at all and this shade of green is not helping" hunter green tracksuit jacket:

Seriously is there no one else out there who actually wants to feel cute and fun when they lead their troop? Why do we have to look like we gave up on ourselves a hundred years ago? And what message are we sending the girls? If you are frumpy you can be a leader but if you have any desire for any fashion give it up...because anyone who cares enough about their appearance to actually brush their hair is too superficial to make a real difference in the world.

Please Project Runway, give us a uniform that reflects the diverse, energetic, joyful, crazy, fun people that we actually are...and help us show our girls that they can do good and feel good about themselves while they do it!

Thank you!

Troop Leaders all over the US

Thieves will be Punished!

This week our big troop meeting happened to be held at St Timothy's Church (thank you St Tim's for letting us use your wonderful meeting room!). One of the projects was for the girls to make little marshmallow snowmen. The girl who organized the meeting had all the materials for all the projects and she did a great job...except that she had nothing for the girls to put their finished snowmen on. So I wandered into the kitchen of the church and found some tinfoil which I passed out to the girls.

But then later it occurred to me...I was in Jesus' house...and I took something without asking...I just stole from Jesus! I'm pretty sure I'm going to hell. I am also pretty sure that the right thing for me to do now is to confess my sins. But here's the thing, half my family is Jewish (they don't believe in confession), half my family is Catholic (I'm pretty much going to hell anyway just based on that combination) and St. Timothy's is an Episcopalian church (do the Episcopalians even practice confession?) so I don't really know who I should be confessing to... And in any case, doesn't God already know that I stole from Jesus...doesn't he see everything?

And to make it all worse, two minutes before my depraved act of thievery I had put my hand up and promised to "serve God and my country." 

So I am pretty sure that is why when the meeting finished early, one of the other leaders had this idea! "Let's take the girls for a walk around the park." That would have been a great idea except there were 18 girls, 2 adults and, by the time we cleaned up, it was dark in the park. Now personally the number one thing that turns me into a raving lunatic and might get my Outstanding Leader badge revoked is trying to keep track of a large number of girls in a wide open space....I worry that I will lose someone and I generally spend the entire time obsessively counting and recounting the girls...who by the way are usually moving at high speed and I'm never sure if I counted this one once or twice or...wait did I cout that one...Argh! now I need to recount! Now add to all of that the fact that it was dark in the park so they were even harder to spot and when you did find them they had no features!...by the end of it my cranky was off the chart, my head was spinning around, and there may or may not have been pea soup involved...

The girls on the other hand all said "that was the best part of my day!"

Death by Mosquito Lake

Now that I finally got my "I survived Dallas" Badge. I feel the need to write the story that inspired it. First let me state for the record that Dallas is the person who brought the amazing world of backpacking back into my life after a 30 year hiatus. She has been incredibly patient with me as I struggle up the trail huffing and panting while she could obviously run circles around me with a broken leg and carrying twice as much weight as I do. But she puts up with me and she continues to take me backpacking and I am incredibly grateful!

Dallas is a big time outdoorsy gal. She rock climbs, backpacks, and runs triathlons in her spare time. Basically if you can go outside and do it for the price of a wilderness permit...she's there!

So a couple of years ago when she suggested that we ought to take our Girl Scouts backpacking, I was thrilled! She suggested we go and do a recon at a great set of lakes she found in the Sierras just past Arnold. We didn't have a lot of time so the plan was to drive up early Saturday morning and hike in to the first lake, then Sunday we would complete the loop with a quick stop at the second lake on the way out. Easy peasy...right?

The day started out clear and beautiful, we drove up to the Wilderness Permit station and hopped out of the car ready to get our permit and get going! We walk in and Dallas says "We need a permit for Death by Mosquito Lake!" (the name of this lake has been changed to protect the innocent!)

Woman Behind the Desk: You know there's snow up there?
Me: Eeepppp Snow??
Dallas (in her most decisive and forceful Kiwi accent...did I mention she's from New Zealand?): Oh it'll be fine!

Woman Behind the Desk: No. You are going to lose the trail in the snow.
Me: Eeeeepp lose the trial?
Dallas: Oh it'll be fine!

Woman Behind the Desk: You do have a map and compass don't you?
Dallas: Of course we do! It'll be fine!

At this point I felt a little better because I knew for a fact that I had a compass in my backpack, Dallas and I had been looking at the map earlier on the trip, and Dallas had recently completed a Wilderness Map and Compass Course...what could possibly go wrong?

So we get to the trailhead get out of the car and are immediately enveloped in a black cloud of mosquitoes. It was July in the Sierras but it was also the wettest year in recent history. There was indeed a fair amount of snow still melting into boggy mosquito filled misery...uh I mean beautiful green grassy meadows...

Dallas: Do you have the mosquito repellent?
Me: Uhh...no..

So we put on our rain gear (which just causes the mosquitos to get pissed off and bite you on your hands and any exposed locations they can find) and headed out. Sure enough, ten minutes up the way we lost the trail in the snow. Now I have to admit that I trust Dallas. So when she said, "don't worry we'll find the trail again up ahead." I believed her. We continued on for another 45 minutes or so with no sign of anything resembling a trail...

Dallas: Let's check the map.
Me: Sounds good. Here's the Compass.
Dallas: Oh I left the map in the car...

Fortunately, she had a book with 2 chicken scratchings on it that vaguely resembled a map.

Dallas: So we just need to follow this river to the next tributary and that will lead us to the lake.

Keep in mind this was the wettest year in recent history. Water was POURING down the sides of the mountains in record amounts...so we found "the next tributary" and started following it up this steep hill. At this point with no sign of a trail and no place flat to camp, my penchant for altitude sickness kicked in (yes indeed I am the only human in history who who has ever thrown up from altitude sickness in Yosemite Valley!) Dallas takes one look at my green and miserable face and says "I'll go up to the top of this hill and try to figure out where we are." About 30 minutes later she comes back with Good News and Bad News.

The Good News: I found a great flat place for us to camp.
The Bad News: I have no idea where we are or how to get to the lake.

So she picks up my pack (Dallas you are a goddess!) and I haul my sorry carcass up the hill.

The next morning we get up and I'm feeling much better and we take a little stroll up to the top of the plateau we are on.

Dallas (in her oddly optimistic about the outdoors sort of way): The Girls would love this. See there is this wonderful flat spot we could have a great group site here!
Me: Uhhh we don't know where we are...we don't know where the trail is...we'll never find this place ever again...not to mention I'm pretty sure the our Scouts will need us to look like we know where we're going on their first major backpacking trip...but that could just be me.

Me: Well I guess we could at least try and find the lake we started out to find.
Long pause....
Me: But I'd sort of like to go somewhere where there are less mosquitoes.
Dallas: Thank God you sad that!! Let's get out of here!

Now Dallas claims we were never lost because, although we didn't know where we were, we did know that following the river would bring us back to someplace we knew. Me, I'm still pondering the definition of lost. But I do have to give Dallas her props! Aside from an excessive quantity of mosquito bites on our wrists and ankles...it was indeed fine!

Broken Throttle Cable

So I took a group of Scouts from Mountain View to Marin for a ropes course a few weeks ago. I had too many Scout Bottoms for the number of seats in the cars that were going so I borrowed a friend's larger vehicle. And of course...it broke down on the off ramp from the Bridge on the way home...just as it was geting dark...in a neighborhood I'm not familiar with...in San Francisco.

Me: Is this Triple A? My car has a broken throttle cable and I'm stuck on the off ramp to the Golden Gate Bridge with 6 Girl Scouts.

Triple A: Should I call the Bridge Patrol?
Me: Aren't you supposed to tell me that?

Triple A: Are you sure you didn't just run out of gas?
Bridge Patrol Truck Driver: Are you sure you didn't just run out of gas?
Car Owner on the phone: Are you sure you didn't just run out of gas?
Car Owner's Husband: Are you sure you didn't just run out of gas?
Triple A Tow Truck Driver: Are you sure you didn't just run out of gas?
Parents of the Girls in the car: Are you sure you didn't just run out of gas?

Me: Where do I start...

1. Yes I'm sure! I have been driving for 30 years and I know how to read a Gas Gauge!
2. No I'm not sure...maybe I did run out of gas but refilling the tank might not help all that much since the gas pedal is not connected to anything!
3. Hello!!! I'm a Girl Scout...as in always prepared...
4. Does it matter? As in you'll help us if we have a "real"problem but if we are "just" out of gas you are going to abandon us by the side of the road?
5. Why yes sireee you big strong hunky tow truck driver you...I'm just a little weak woman who doesn't even know the difference between an empty gas tank and a flat tire...why I'm lucky I know where to put the key in this big ole SUV here...thank goodness you have come to save me and all my little ones who are just as weak as kittens from hunger...

Scouts in the Car: We need to pool our resources and hunker down. Everyone get out your leftovers from lunch!

On Meeting Times

So my 6th Grade Scouts recently came to me with a request:

Scouts (out loud):
We don't have enough meetings...we like our Girl Scout meetings and we miss each other. Can we have more meetings?

Me (in my head):

1. Did you just say you want "more meetings"?? I actually have no life and I'm totally chuffed with myself because I must be doing something right for you to ask for that so I'm very psyched!
2. Oh (insert nasty word here) I am about to get it in the neck for:
1. the time we meet
2. the place we meet
3. the time the meetings start
4. the time the girls get home from the meeting
5. the necessity for them to eat dinner first
6. the necessity for them to do homework after
7. the exact dates of the meetings that don't mesh with this girl's ukelele performance and that girl's pony dressage classes.
8. the cost of junk food'
9. the nutritional value of junk food
10. the traffic on the freeway
11. the fact that so many people feel the need to commute after work
12. the price of crude oil
13. the weather patterns in North America
14. Ummm in case you think that I am the one who wants more meetings...see the opening statement above.
3. Can someone please just tell me where and when to show up? I will happily pay for my crude oil, drive my daughter through the wilds of commuter traffic, feed her whatever junk food I can find along the way, and be there on time. I will. I just don't want to have to negotiate about this anymore...
4. Pretty please!

Me (out loud): 

That sounds like a great idea...I'll make it happen  :)

On Courage, Character and Confidence

Now as I've stated in the past, I drank the Girl Scout Kool Aid. But as a leader I have to question the wisdom of the National Organization when they changed their motto from "Building Girls of Courage, Confidence and Character" to "Discover. Connect. Take Action." Personally I found those words - Courage Character and Confidence - to be aspirational. They were something I hoped I could live up to and something I was honored to try and build in my Scouts.  "Discover. Connect. Take Action." Feels like the road map for a service project. Now don't get me wrong, I understand the need for Service and I think it is very important for our kids to feel empowered to make changes in the world. But for me, Girl Scouts under the old motto was about so much more.

So I wonder why the Scouts chose this new version of itself. They took away all the badges for Rock Climbing and Surfing and Skiing and added in more badges about Cookies and Shopping. Seriously you can now get a "Savvy Shopper" badge and a "Cookie CEO" badge...as in you want my daughter to be a better shopper?!??!!! Why?

I get it that the badges that inspired me to take my girls out and help them challenge themselves physically and mentally won't change the world...but I have seen (and heard from parents) over and over  how they do change the girl...and I believe that if you change the girl, she can, and will change the world.

So why would you want to dumb down the program so it is all about Service Projects and Cookie Sales? As our society changes and our girls have more opportunity than ever before? Why would the Girl Scouts decide that they can do less...not more...

I know it sounds like I am just reactionary and don't like change...but here's the thing...when the Scouts first came out with their new program I was so excited. The old badge book was full of really great ideas and showed me a million things I could do with my Scouts....so the new one would clearly be full of more great ideas!!! I was psyched. And then I got the new materials...serious disappointment ensued...serious disappointment. But I thought "I'll give it a try. I'll trust this organization that has given me so much. I'll do this for them."...now 1 year later, I still miss the old books. I miss the old badges and more than anything I miss the old motto.

So, in the end, I choose to live with the old motto. I will jump through whatever hoops the Scouts require so I can continue leading my amazing girls...but I will do it in the spirit of "Building Girls of Courage, Confidence and Character" and if we happen to "Discover. Connect. and Take Action." along the way...so much the better!

Reluctant Really?

In the interest of full disclosure, I suppose I ought to start out by telling you that I was actually thrown out of the Girl Scouts when I was little. Consequently when my daughter came to me in 1st grade begging to join the troop at her school I was...well...reluctant to say the least. But, in the way of parents everywhere, I swallowed my pride and said "what a good idea."

For the first year I was pretty hands off. But then I started to feel guilty because she loved it and the leaders spent a lot of time with the girls and I really ought to step up. So I agreed to take the camping training. Somewhere in the middle of that chilly drizzly weekend in the woods I saw a really experienced leader teach some young girls how to light a match. I will never forget the awestruck, proud, empowered look on those little faces...they looked like they had conquered fire! And at that moment I drank the Kool Aid.

Girl Scouts is not about Cookies or crafting or little girls in uniforms. It is what you as a leader make it. For me it is about empowering girls. It is about showing them how to walk through their fears and how to stand up for themselves, and more than anything, how competent they can be. Camping is not about camping it's about sleeping in the woods and being away from mom and finding out you can handle it. Cooking is not about cooking it's about learning to use a knife and light a fire. It's also about learning how to think of others as you plan meals that everyone will and can eat. Everything we do seems to have a higher life lesson. In the end all of it is about Courage, Character and Confidence and if we do it right it is all frosted with a thick layer of fun.

Now, six years later my world seems to revolve around my troop. Currently I lead a troop of 32 girls in 4 grades at 9 different schools. Part of me looks at that sentence and thinks "how the hell did I let that happen?" In my defense I have to tell you that in the last 5 years we have been Camping, Backpacking, Skiing, Ice Skating, Surfing, Kayaking, Rock Climbing, and a dozen other adventures I can't think of at the moment. I now have buddies to go out and play in the woods with and I am grateful for their spirit, their sense of adventure, and their willingness to follow me on whatever crazy adventure I want to lead them on next. It's been a privilege and an honor to spend time with my girls and I am grateful every time we get out there and try something new!

And to be sure, it only works because I have great help, and amazing co-leaders for each individual grade. But really it's fun because I have great girls!

This year my oldest girls are in 6th grade and we are starting a new adventure AKA puberty. Probably the funnest thing I have ever done as a Scout leader is to bring up the fact that with all the adventures we go on, at least one of them is bound to get a period on one of our trips...I have never had 10  more engaged, riveted, interested girls in a meeting! But that is a story for another time!